Bereaved Parents Awareness Month: Living the Life of a Vilomah

“Against the natural order”—and yet, here we are.

July is Bereaved Parents Awareness Month, a time to give space and recognition to the parents living through the unimaginable. There’s a word that echoes in my mind every single day: VILOMAH—a Sanskrit word meaning “against the natural order.” It describes the life of a parent who has lost a child. It describes me. And maybe, it describes you too.

My son, Dakota, never followed the rules. He told me for years to prepare myself—he said he wouldn’t outlive me. I laughed it off. What parent wants to believe something like that? But here we are. He was right, and now I live with this word as my companion. Vilomah. The title none of us asked for.

This month, I’ll be sharing reflections every Sunday and Friday—stories, truths, support, and a whole lot of “you are not alone.” Because if there's one thing I’ve learned, this journey is lifelong. It's messy. It’s isolating. And it’s not something the world talks about nearly enough.

💔 What We Navigate After Losing a Child

What no one tells you about life after your child dies. It’s not just sadness—it’s an entire rewiring of your brain, body, and identity. You don’t just lose them. You lose you, too.

We face:

• Shock, trauma, disbelief

• Rage, guilt, “what-if” loops on repeat

• Depression, anxiety, even PTSD

• Memory problems, brain fog, difficulty concentrating

• Physical symptoms—nervous system damage, chronic pain, digestive disorders

• Identity collapse—we don’t know who we are without them

• The isolation of silence—people disappear, or worse, say nothing

📊 What the research tells us:

• Up to 21% of mothers and 14% of fathers experience PTSD even two years or more after a traumatic child loss.

• Bereaved parents have higher long-term mortality rates, especially due to heart disease, substance abuse, and suicide.

• Prolonged grief can lead to immune dysfunction, sleep disorders, cardiovascular strain, and cognitive decline—a full-body response to emotional trauma.

💡 Why This Matters

The loss of a child is the most enduring trauma parents can face. As one funeral guide so poignantly put it:

“The grief from the loss of a child never ends… the new normal is emptiness, pain that rarely stops, and a former life that can never be restored.”

July isn’t about “getting over it.” It’s about acknowledging this new normal—supporting those walking through it, and refusing to let the vilomah among us suffer alone.

💬 My Personal Story

The grief didn’t just shatter me. It changed me. It gave me health issues I never expected. My nervous system stopped functioning as it used to. I developed digestive problems. My memory got fuzzy. I was sobbing and navigating menopause at the same time (would not recommend). I couldn’t go into a grocery store without panicking. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t breathe without hurting.

And still, the world kept spinning.

🗓 What I’ll Be Sharing This Month

Each Sunday and Friday in July, I’ll focus on one aspect of this journey:

• 🔄 Life before and after

• 🚪 Navigating anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays

• ❌ Setting boundaries & handling those who can’t bear our pain

• 🧠 Mental and physical health effects of child loss

• 🫂 What helps—and what absolutely does not

• 🗣 Why saying their name matters

• 🔥 And the dark, raw truth no one talks about

🛠️ How You Can Show Up This Month (and Beyond)

• Listen without clichés. Swap “everything happens for a reason” with: “I can’t imagine how deep this is.”

• Acknowledge vilomah. Validate that this isn’t how life is “supposed” to go.

• Support mental health. Encourage therapy—about 7–10% of bereaved adults experience prolonged grief disorder.

• Honor siblings. They face increased risk for depression, PTSD, and academic & social struggles.

• Reach out every Sunday & Friday. Send a memory, say their name, and show up with: “I’m here.”

✨ A Final Thought

We are vilomah.We carry the unbearable.We wake up in a world our children no longer inhabit.And somehow—somehow—we go on. Not always gracefully—sometimes not willingly—but with the deep understanding that survival is an act of love.

This month is for you.For Dakota (Forever 24).For every child we carry in our hearts, always.

📚 References

1. PTSD in Parents Following Violent Child Loss🔗 PubMed – Journal of Traumatic Stress

2. Parental Mortality After Child Loss (Swedish Cohort Study)🔗 PubMed – Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health🔗 BMJ – Full Study

3. Physical & Mental Health Outcomes from Bereavement🔗 ScienceDirect – Clinical Psychology Review

4. PTSD Follow-Up Study in Bereaved Parents🔗 ResearchGate – Long-Term PTSD Study

5. Prolonged Grief Disorder (Diagnostic Overview)🔗 American Psychiatric Association

6. Understanding Prolonged Grief Effects🔗 Verywell Health – Prolonged Grief

7. Cognitive Consequences of Bereavement🔗 ScienceDirect – Neurobiology of Stress

8. Recognizing Disenfranchised Grief🔗 Wikipedia – Disenfranchised Grief

9. Impact on Bereaved Siblings🔗 The Compassionate Friends

10. Overview of Bereaved Parent Experience🔗 Miles Funeral Home – Grieving Parents