Living With the Weight of Goodbye

Grief is a journey, not a destination. It’s a path we don’t choose but are forced to walk when we lose the people we love. For me, that journey began long before I was ready to face it.

In August 2010, I lost my mom—my best friend and anchor in this world. Ten years later, in the span of just three heartbreaking days in November 2020, I said goodbye to my son Dakota and my dad. That year, as the pandemic reshaped life for everyone, my world was forever altered. 

After these losses, I didn’t bury the pain—I became numb to it. I shut myself off from everything and everyone, barely functioning, just trying to survive. I avoided anything that might remind me of the people I’d lost, thinking that if I could just keep the memories at bay, maybe the hurt wouldn’t overwhelm me. But grief doesn’t disappear when we ignore it. It waits in the quiet, forcing its way back into your life when you least expect it.

This post marks the beginning of my journey to confront that grief and begin to heal. I don’t want to get lost in the details of loss itself—there’s no need to relive every moment. Instead, I want to focus on what it means to live with the weight of goodbye and how I’ve started the process of finding myself again.

If you’re reading this, maybe you’ve experienced your own moments of unbearable loss. If so, I want you to know that you’re not alone. This is a space to explore the complex, messy, and deeply human process of healing from grief.