When the World Moves On, But You Can’t: How to Keep Going in Your Own Time
- Tammy Landsiedel
- Apr 1
- 4 min read
The world seems to move forward quickly after loss. Many people struggle with the feeling of being "left behind." One important thing to remember is that grief is deeply personal. Everyone grieves differently, and there is no right or wrong timeline for healing. It is okay to move at your own pace—grief does not follow a schedule.
When I lost my dad and my son, Dakota, in November 2020, I was devastated beyond repair—or so I thought. For months, I existed in survival mode, moving from one room to another in my house without direction. I didn’t cook, I didn’t clean, and I didn’t want to leave. When I finally began attempting to engage with life again—not truly living, but at least taking care of basic necessities—I felt overwhelmed. It seemed like everyone around me expected me to "move on" instead of just moving forward. It felt like they had already left the loss behind.
Why Grief Doesn’t Follow a Timeline
Grief is not linear, and psychological research supports this truth. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—but these stages do not occur in a set order, nor does everyone experience all of them. More recent research, such as William Worden’s Four Tasks of Mourning, suggests that grief is an ongoing process rather than a series of steps to be completed. The Dual Process Model of Grief also highlights that healing involves oscillating between confronting the loss and engaging with daily life. This means that grieving individuals may appear to be "doing better" one day and then struggle the next. There is no deadline for feeling okay again.
The Isolation of Grief and Feeling Stuck
In the wake of loss, well-meaning friends and family often offer advice: "You should go to
counselling," "You should get out of the house," "You should go for a drink," "You should socialize more." I heard it all. But none of it accounted for the reality of my grief.
Certain places and activities became unbearable. Dakota loved going grocery shopping with me, so stepping into the store we frequented was like walking into a painful memory. The first time I tried to go back, I couldn’t even make it past the entrance before I had to turn around and leave. I sat in my car and broke down, screaming and crying until the exhaustion took over. When I finally gathered the strength, I went back in, grabbed only what I needed for dinner, and left. That night, my daughter told me how proud she was of me for taking a step forward. It was a small but significant moment—a reminder that healing happens in tiny, often invisible ways.
Grief affects the brain in profound ways. Studies show that loss triggers the brain’s stress response, leading to symptoms similar to PTSD, including difficulty concentrating, emotional numbness, and hyperawareness of memories associated with the lost loved one. The amygdala, the brain's emotional processing
centre, becomes hyperactive, making grief feel all-consuming. Meanwhile, the prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making and emotional regulation, can struggle to function properly. This is why grief can feel like a fog, trapping you in a state of mental and emotional paralysis while the rest of the world moves on.
After what felt like a very short time, I noticed that everyone else had returned to their normal lives. They were carrying on, as if nothing had changed. Meanwhile, I was trapped in grief, broken by the loss of my son, guilty that I hadn’t fully grieved my dad, and angry that no one else seemed to be sad anymore. I was fortunate to have my boyfriend by my side—he took me hiking, fishing, and played board games with me just to keep my mind occupied. But even that caused internal conflict. Sometimes I resented him for wanting to do things when I wanted to do nothing. I wasn’t ready to start living again, and seeing him move forward made me feel even more stuck.
How to Move Forward Without Rushing the Process
Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean leaving the past behind or pretending the pain isn’t there. Instead, it means learning how to carry the loss while still allowing yourself to live. Here are some ways to move forward at your own pace:
Accept that grief is unpredictable. Healing is not a straight line, and there is no right way to grieve. Some days will be harder than others, and that’s okay.
Take small steps. Instead of trying to "get back to normal" all at once, focus on small victories. If leaving the house feels impossible, start by stepping outside for five minutes. If socializing feels overwhelming, meet one trusted friend for coffee instead of a group gathering.
Allow yourself to feel. Suppressing grief can delay healing. Give yourself permission to cry, to scream, to sit in silence—whatever you need to do to process your emotions.
Set boundaries with others. People may expect you to "move on" before you’re ready. It’s okay to tell them that you’re healing in your own way and on your own timeline.
Find ways to honour your loved ones. Keeping their memory alive in a way that feels meaningful to you—whether through journaling, creating traditions, or supporting a cause they cared about—can help integrate their presence into your new reality.
Seek support, but on your terms. Therapy, grief support groups, or even talking to someone who has been through a similar loss can help, but only when you’re ready. No one else can dictate when that time comes for you.
Give Yourself Permission to Grieve and Grow
Grief is not about catching up with the world. It is not about healing according to others' expectations. Grief is about learning to live with loss in a way that feels right for you. Be patient and compassionate with yourself. Take your time. Do what is best for you. Healing is possible, even if it takes time. Every little step you take, no matter how small, is one Bold Step Forward.
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